On My Death Bed   Leave a comment

I’ve been sick since before the 4th of July (probably since July 1 or 2). First, I got a bad case of the flu (the swine/bird/mad cow variety). Then, as I was getting over the flu, I got the stomach flu and I couldn’t even hold down chicken soup or water. Then, as I got over the stomach flu, I got bronchitis and I’ve been dry heaving for several days now because my cough’s been so bad. (BTW… never buy Delsym, the cough suppressant, because I finished an entire bottle in a day and… nothing!)

I was reminded of what Job said early on in his sufferings, when he was able to proclaim truth to himself: “Naked I come from my mohter’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). Then, Job became more and more depressed and despondent. “Let the day perish on which I was born, and the night that said, ‘A man is conceived.’ Let that day be darkness! May God above not seek it, nor light shine upon it. Let gloom and deep darkness claim it. Let clouds dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it” (Job 3:3-5). “How long will you not look away from me, nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit?” (Job 7:19). “I loathe my life; I will give free utterance to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. I will say to God, Do not condemn me; let me know why you contend against me” (Job 10:1-2). “My spirit is broken; my days are extinct; the graveyard is ready for me” (Job 17:1). On and on, Job does not turn from God, but he continually questions God and laments his fate in the midst of suffering.

I think I would be handling my bouts with illness better were it not for the final exam looming over me on Monday–the final exam from the hardest class in law school. But I think I need to be reminded of God’s words to Job: “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding” (Job 38:2-4). And I hope I will respond to God’s words the way Job did: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted… Therefore, I despise myself, and repent in dush and ashes” (Job 42:2-6).

O Lord, remind me that You are God, sovereign in all of creation. There is nothing that passes without Your hand and You command all things to work out for the glory of your name. Let me not question Your sovereign work in my life–let me not lament it, but let me faithfully work that You might be glorified as the God who gives me strength to study, as the God who is my motivation to continue… as the God whose bright face is more precious to me than the best of grades.

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Posted July 11, 2009 by Mitchell J. Kim in Uncategorized

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